Black and White Pictures

When I think about events in my past, I see them in a grayish color. Maybe this is so because they are dimming away to forgetfulness, especially if they happen to someone like me who has undergone painless pregnancies (crazy doctors, they weren’t really painless!).

Yesterday’s happenings most of the times are forgotten and will only be recalled if they are being talked about or a similar incident happens again. I view them as black and white pictures.

But some of these events, even if time tries to rob them from us, leave a significant mark in our lives. They teach us noteworthy lessons and mold us into the persons we are in the present. Usually these events are those that have caused us anguish, worry, fear, and sleepless and tearful nights. Some of them are the ones that question our morality, our upbringing, our principles, and our integrity.

I have been through highs and lows and I once came up with a situation that made me want to give up my life, a few years ago. To the point that I wanted to cross a busy car-filled street and be done with it. But of course, I still have a great fear and trust in God and I calmed myself by saying, things happen for a purpose. This made me give up my plan of cutting my life short and face the responsibilities and consequences born out of the decisions I have made.

Now, I am just happy that I picked myself up and faced the challenge of survival. So far so good. The colorful trials that made me almost quit have turned into black and white pictures. They may have dimmed but they are still beautiful because they are reminders that I made it through the trials of life.

I remember a few lines from Christopher Cross’ song, Is There Something. It goes, “We had something that I’ll never forget, even if I wanted to; Cause part of me will always be with you.” Nice ending to this article.

From a Mother to a Mother on Mother's Day

The beginning of Mother’s Day 2009 was spent playing nurse to my Mom who is now recuperating at a hospital here in Makati City. I was listening to music and refused to watch TV. I was my usual moody self and when I’m in this state, I would rather sing along with my favorite songs and pretend to be both the singer and the drummer.

At around 5:30 p.m., I suddenly decided I wanted to buy some facial creams and soaps and just feel beautiful. So, I made Lilian, my co-“bantay”, accompany me to Glorietta while my brother Timo watched over our Mom.

At this beauty shop, I purchased some facial mositurizers and got some for Lilian as well. The store manager said we were entitled to a diamond peel facial and a regular facial. I suddenly pushed Lilian to the makeover area of the beauty shop and told the therapist to give her the regular facial. I swear, Lilian got so scared out of her wits! She never had a facial in her life! I told her to calm down and that it was going to be great.

Once on the chair, Lilian sighed to the gentle facial massage given. I bet she was thinking, “is this heaven or what?” I was actually having a blast seeing her experience that. I kept taking pictures and the therapist was giggling like crazy. When the latter started pricking whiteheads and blackheads from all over Lilian’s face, she started complaining that it was painful. I thought to myself, was I doing her a favor or not?

At the end of the facial, we all complimented Lilian of her glowing skin. The tiredness and dullness visibly seen on her face before and which was brought about by the hardship of raising kids on her own, was somehow lessened. It was the first time I saw a genuine and confident smile on her lips at that moment.

This experience with Lilian made me realize one thing. When we are down in the dumps, we should not feel sorry for ourselves and let the sadness ruin our day. We should instead do a good thing for a person at that specific moment because it brings about a nice feeling inside that washes away our sorrows. I swear, I felt real good and it made me realize how blessed I truly am.

This is the most memorable Mother’s Day for me because I believe God was trying to give me a message. He wants me to know that He hears my prayers and questions, and His answer is, this world is just temporary therefore we should not waste our time asking why we cannot have what we want but rather be content with what He gives and to just try to be a blessing to the less fortunate.

I am no longer sad for again, I have trodden another road that has enlightened me about the secrets of a beautiful and meaningful life.

The Mother In Me

I have played many roles in my life. The first role I played was that of a daughter on July 21, 1971. I also became the first granddaughter of my father’s parents who eventually took me in as their 2nd child since my father was an only offspring.

I was in my early teens when my real parents took me in. There in Marawi City, I became the eldest sister to my siblings. Discovering high school and college friendships, I learned how to become a loyal and true ally. Reaching the age of twenty-seven, I became a wife and a year later, a mother.

Of all the roles I was able to enact and am currently enacting, it is that of being a mother that is life-changing and educational. First, it educated me on the meaning of Unconditional Love… a love that is so strong and powerful that you can generously offer all of it without expecting anything in return.

Second, being a mother trained me on how to be patient. Patience is slowly mastered when small babies beside me are both crying out for attention after a hard day’s work.

Third, it taught me how to be afraid. My child’s small cry or moan would scare the wits out of me. When my sons would be hospitalized, I swear I would literally go crazy and ask God if He could transmit the pain to me instead.

Ironically, while being afraid, being a mother teaches you to be brave. Although the sight of needles pricking through skin can make me faint, I had to calm down my son and hold on to his hand when the nurses at the Emergency Room had to place an IV on his wrist. The cowardly mother mutates into a firm and fearless woman.

The experiences I have of being a mother helped break down the barrier I secretly built between my Mom and me. I did not grow up with her and so our relationship was a bit strained and just cordial. I remember the first time I was about to give birth and was experiencing true labor pains. While I was cursing my husband for putting me on that state, swearing off child-making, and screaming at the doctors to take away the pain, my mother went into the labor room and tried to calm me down. She whispered in my ear, “ Jennie, two centimeters only and it will all end. Ten centimeters and it will be over. Just two centimeters more! You can do it!”

I was crying with pain at the same time looking at her in awe. She bore six children and here I was, wanting to die instead at my first. It was at that moment that I saw her as my mother, a very courageous woman. Her voice calmed me down and reassured me that I can do it because she was there to give me the strength I so needed at that time.

In every role we engage in, we have to face them with responsibility and try to perform them with sincerity, hardship, patience, labor and love. We must always have the betterment and welfare of our relationships with the people we love in mind. We are obliged to bear this in mind as we play our roles as parents.

To all the mothers in this world and the fathers who double as mothers (especially My Mommy Bai and my late Daddy Cody whom I miss so much!), Happy Mother’s Day. Job well done!